Monday, January 9, 2012

Drama

I want to talk a little bit about Drama.

I am not a dramatic type of person, I can be when it comes to feelings, but as far as being dramatic or feeding drama, I really don't care for such things, and do my best to avoid people that prefer to create it or live in it.

I do though, consider myself to be a peace keeper, who wears their heart on their sleeve and yes, it indeed has caused me alot of hurt for doing so.

I am an honest person, I don't lie, atleast knowingly so. Generally if I have been caught in a lie, it was due to someone elses twisting of events or information. I have been considered someone who is "too honest", and considered to be someone who lacks the ability to have a "filter". I have always thought my illnesses contributed to that. Even when I am not well, and perhaps dissociative again, or having an episode, I still don't lie, I just have at that point the inability to see things the same way others do.

Enough about me and my illnesses, will save that for another post.

Now back to drama. Why do people live in drama? I don't understand the benefits from it. Why does everyone have to always be causing problems for someone else? Will I have an answer to that, probably, but will it make a difference? Not likely. However, I am also one of the most curious people you will probably ever encounter, questions, questions, questions, always whether I have answers to them or not, I generally do not care if there is a "good" answer or not, however, nonetheless I must have one. Funny thing about me I suppose. And yes, I always have an answer to someone's questions, I won't guarantee they are correct ones, but I always like to help if I can, even if it isn't that good of help.

I have though seen drama destroy people. Ive seen it superficially destroy them and then I've seen it completely internally destroy them. I probably have felt internally destroyed by it, however for me, it tends to push me further away from the source. Once I can see and realize what the person is doing, a wall is built between us and I won't trust them anymore. There are very few I totally and profoundly with all my heart trust and those people all know who they are.

For all those out there that have had to deal with drama and haven't found themselves seperated from the source yet, my deepest sympathies, and for those whom live in drama and refuse to see the harm it does or the harm you are causing with it, my deepest apologies that it is the only way you see life worth living. I feel it is safe to believe that people that must create rumors and gossip and live in the spotlight of their own fettishes for drama must be very lonely inside. Or atleast that's how I feel.

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